Schmitt receives Survivors of Suicide award
By MARTHA RASCHE
Sometimes Mary Lou Schmitt’s story begins with her fingernails. Specifically, their being polished purple with turquoise tips.
“Do the colors of your nails mean anything?” a new acquaintance might ask.
“They are the colors of suicide prevention,” Mary Lou says – and her story begins to unfold.
Nearly 30 years ago, on March 4, 1995, Mary Lou’s youngest son died by suicide at age 30.
September is Suicide Prevention Month, and Mary Lou is Survivors of Suicide of Dubois County’s Loss Survivor of the Year. She accepted proclamations from the mayors of Jasper and Huntingburg and the Ferdinand Town Council, recognizing the month’s significance in their respective jurisdictions.
Mary Lou, 82, has been part of Survivors of Suicide of Dubois County since its founding in 1996, after members of the Schmitt family attended an SOS group in Louisville for a year.
“We learned that we were not alone,” Mary Lou says of why the SOS meetings were so helpful. … It helped to hear other people’s stories.”
Mary Lou and board members of SOSofDC attended training in Georgia in 1997 to learn how to facilitate support group meetings. Mary Lou has also attended a number of in-state conferences on suicide loss, prevention and intervention. SOSofDC became a 501(c)3 nonprofit in 2001.
Attending the meetings, along with appointments with a counselor that she continues to keep every few months, have been part of Mary Lou’s coping mechanisms.
“Go for counseling and learn how to cope with the death,” Mary Lou advises those newly in grief. “You don’t get over it. You learn how to live with it. So many people said, ‘It’s time to get over it’ after a month or two. But no, you never get over losing your son.”
Mary Lou had a stint as vice president of Survivors of Suicide and now serves on the advisory board. All the while, she has opened her heart and her Jasper home to others who lost loved ones to suicide.
Two relationships that grew from unwanted commonality were with a woman about Mary Lou’s age whose father died by suicide and with a woman somewhat younger whose son had died.
“She knows what it’s like to be a mother in grief,” says Mary Lou’s daughter Janet Schnell, president of SOS. Janet also is a suicide loss subject matter expert contractor for the federal government. She says Mary Lou has been able to help “normalize” others’ grief, to help them realize their feelings are a natural part of their journey.
Anyone Mary Lou helped, helped her in return, as every story she hears reminds her that she isn’t alone.
Other members of the Schmitt family also have been involved with the local survivors group. Janet and her sister, Denise Schnell, were part of the group when it started, Mary Lou’s son Allan is on the advisory board, and son Chris helps the organization as he can from his home in California.
Mary Lou’s husband, Don, died in 2004 of a heart attack. Denise died in 2021 of Covid-19. That makes three sudden deaths, deaths Mary Lou had no time to prepare for.
In its own way, “each death was a shock, and I’m just learning how to cope with all the deaths,” she says. She finds it helps to tell Kent, Don and Denise each night before going to sleep that she loves and misses them.
“You ask why, but you never get an answer,” she says. “I’m learning how to accept it. You have bad days, and you have good days.”
If you have thoughts of suicide or are having mental health struggles, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.
Mary Lou calls herself a natural worrier and suffers from depression. However, having a part in leading others through loss has helped her find meaning in her life. “I’m doing that out of my heart, helping others,” she says, noting that she doesn’t need an award for it. “I just wanted to help other people.”
Mary Lou was chosen for the award because “she took her grief into hope,” according to the board members.
SOSofDC was ahead of its time, as it always has addressed not only suicide prevention but also suicide intervention and postvention. The organization realized before others that suicide loss survivors faced higher risk for suicide themselves.
The group’s in-person monthly meetings ended with Covid. Now SOSofDC can be found at www.sosofdc.org, SOSofDC on Facebook, and sosofduboiscounty on Instagram. Its email address is 1SuicideSurvivor@gmail.com.
Having the group online, members have found, has allowed for a larger involvement, including father-to-father and sibling-to-sibling connections.
Current officers are Janet Schnell, president; Janet Schmidt, vice president; Emily Moreno, secretary and human resource director; and Shelby Gordon, treasurer. Joining Mary Lou and Allan on the advisory board are Joanie Wurster and Jesus Moreno.
Within the past few years research has shown that a single suicide affects 135 people. Mary Lou and SOSofDC board members want to reach as many of them as possible.
The nonprofit agency was one of the first groups in Indiana to form a local outreach to suicide survivors. The team is trained to attend a suspected suicide death scene to offer resources and information on surviving. SOSofDC also sends materials as requested to suicide loss survivors.
“We know that grief trail. We know the impact” that support can make, Janet says.
If you have thoughts of suicide or are having mental health struggles, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.
