Milk ring marriage – a Christmas story

Special to the DC Freep by Joseph Huddleston

Several years ago, my wife got me the best Christmas present ever and it did not cost her a thing.

But before I can tell you what it is, I need to tell you something else.

I have a bad habit of leaving little things lying around when I no longer need them: receipts, shopping lists, business cards. Basically, pocket litter. However, the most annoying thing I leave lying around, according to my wife, is plastic carton rings. These are those plastic rings attached to the cap of gallon cartons that ensures the carton is unopened. They are blue, orange, green, pink…some peel off while others rip off and they can be found on many juices and milk.

I am also the de facto designated opener of juice and milk since I seem to be the only person drinking the last little bit from a carton (This is a scheme to avoid having to get the next gallon from the garage or basement fridge). When I first got this position, I would open a fresh carton and place the ring on the counter near me as I finished pouring my glass. Since, I typically opened the cartons in the same spot (also de facto designated) rings could always be found near. Having three (now four) kids, my wife could throw one plastic carton ring away only to see another appear a day or two later, same spot.

I would constantly hear, “Joe, why do you leave these things lying around. The trash is right over there.” Pointing to a spot waaaaay over on the other side of the kitchen, four steps away.

I would usually respond with something like, “Do you need me to invent something better for you to complain about?”

It was all in jest, but with a nugget of truth. She didn’t want to pick up after me and I didn’t think it was worth sweating over. It wasn’t dirty and didn’t attract bugs. Who cares? It was less significant than leaving the toilet seat up. (For the record, I always put both the seat and lid down for one simple reason: if the lid is down, nothing can fall in it. That is experience talking, my friend. As a bonus, no toilet bowl mist is ever flushed into the air. Think, toothbrushes.)

I use similar don’t-sweat-the-small-stuff logic when driving around places unknown: If I have plenty of time and plenty of gas, I ain’t lost; I am sightseeing.

Needless to say, my wife has a lot of patience or I am better looking than the mirror suggests.

Anyway, back to the story.

One day, in the back of my mind, I realize I am no longer being scolded about the rings. A smarter man than me might take from this that his wife is just tired of nagging him. Not me. I assumed I must be throwing them away and just not remembering it. After all, I never remembered leaving them on the counter. Makes great sense, right?

Except it was not true….

Fast forward to the next Christmas.

The presents are all opened but the wife stops everyone from getting up and says, “I got one more for dad. Stay where you are.”

She walks away and returns with a small shoe box-sized package and hands it to me.

It is not heavy. I give it a little shake but I don’t hear anything except packing materials.

“Do you want me to guess?” I ask.

“No, No,” she says excited, “go ahead and open it. I want to see your face.”

So, I do.

I peel off the paper.

I open up the folded in flaps of the box.

I peek inside.

I had not been throwing plastic carton rings away and forgetting, nor had my wife simply stopped nagging me about them.

She had started collecting them and putting them in a box.

A box..she gave me..for Christmas.

I smile.

I got a box full of plastic carton rings for Christmas.

We all laugh. It was great gift.

It took me awhile later to realize that her gift to me was not a box of plastic carton rings. That was only what I could touch. What my wife really gave me and what she may not even have realized was her true gift to me was her patience and her understanding and a glimpse of her sense of humor.

I am just glad she didn’t wait to do this on our 25 year anniversary! She would have needed a U Haul.

Years later, I am better about picking up after myself. I still leave plastic carton rings lying around, but now it is usually done on purpose. She will say my name and give me a little eyebrow raise and I will give her a smile and be witty.

They are not stupid, annoying, little, plastic carton rings, anymore. They are tokens of affection. Sweet little whispers to my wife saying, “I left this on purpose and you know I left it on purpose because it is part of our story.”

Should I leave this world before her, I know she will miss finding those lying around.

Or maybe, if it is at all possible, she still will.